You walk into the supermarket with hope in your heart and a shopping list that includes “coffee (decaf).” Twenty minutes later, you’re standing in front of a shelf that looks like a Cold War archive: faded jars, foil packets, and brands whose best days died with Woolworths.
Welcome to the British decaf aisle. Abandon all flavour, ye who enter here.
Exhibit A: The jar with the fake smile
Let’s start with the classic. A chunky glass jar with a label so beige it could blend into a filing cabinet. It promises “smoothness” and “aroma,” but what you actually get is the flavour profile of boiled envelope glue. This is coffee that feels like it’s been pre-digested.
You don’t need to taste it. You already know. It’s the one you drank at your aunt’s house in 2003 when she said, “You’re not old enough for caffeine.” She was right. And now you know why.
Exhibit B: The pre-ground mystery blend
Next, we move to the foil bag—loudly claiming it’s a “rich roast” with “intense flavour.” But turn it over. No origin. No roast date. No decaffeination method. This is a coffee witness protection programme.
Odds are, it was roasted sometime between the Queen’s coronation and the invention of the USB stick. It’s stale. It’s dusty. It will brew a cup that smells like old paperbacks and mild regret.
Exhibit C: The pretend-healthy option
“Organic!” “Sustainable!” “Crafted!” cries the box, doing a lot of greenwashing while quietly being decaffeinated with industrial solvents. If it doesn’t say Swiss Water or EA (ethyl acetate, the kind that comes from fruit), it’s probably had a chemical bath that would make your nostrils cry.
Real decaf—like the kind we roast at I Love Decaf—is processed with care. Not mystery science.
So why does this keep happening?
Because supermarket shelves are run by shelf space, not flavour. Because big brands pay to stay there. Because most buyers still think decaf drinkers are one step away from a Horlicks dependency.
But the data says otherwise. 62% of Brits avoid caffeine in the evening. More are switching for health, sleep, or sanity. And yet? Supermarkets still stock decaf like it’s a punishment.
What you actually want (and won’t find here)
- Fresh-roasted beans
- Transparent origin and process
- No chemicals
- Taste that doesn’t make you question your life choices
That’s why we do what we do. At I Love Decaf, we roast fresh in small batches, using Swiss Water or chemical-free EA methods. We don’t bulk-buy. We don’t warehouse. And we’re not in aisle 9.
Final sip
You deserve better than caffeine-free disappointment in a jar.
Ditch the supermarket gamble. Go for decaf that actually tastes like coffee—and happens to have won a Great Taste Award.
Get yours straight from the source at I Love Decaf.