October 31st.. Teatime is almost upon us.
An icy wind cuts through the ragged net curtains of Madame Vlatzski’s tumbledown shack on the edge of the graveyard. Standing with her palms flat on the counter, her head rolls back as evil-smelling orange ectoplasm spills from the spout of the steaming vessel. Her white eyes gaze at an imagined abyss as a rough voice tumbles with a name from the ether. An infestation of cluster flies spell out the name on the wall – that of the supermarket rooibos tea that stains the veil between this world and Paradise.
A bolt of lightning backlights a figure that stands in the doorway.
“Begone foul brew! Thine name is repellent; thine tea is coarse and profane.”
There is a clap of thunder, and sunshine suddenly permeates the gloom. Madame Vlatzski regains her composure as the figure enters the premises.
Dressed in a dark twill suit and carrying a doctor’s bag, he takes his seat at the table and throws Madame Vlatzski a small bag labelled Luxury Halloween Punch Tea.
“No milk, no sugar, please”, he calls, “and may I have a biscuit and a small exorcism with that, thank you.”
Madame Vlatzski opens the bag and takes in the heady aroma of red bush and blackberry leaves, cinnamon, orange blossom, safflower petals, clove buds, cardamom seed and ginger.
“Madame, this mesmerising blend of intriguing charm and irresistible warmth will imbue your soul with eternal contentment – or at least until Blankety Blank comes on. There are some things that can never be put right. Stick that in your brewing vessels and allow to steep.“
The stranger was never seen again after that night. Madame Vlatzski still makes her Luxury Halloween Punch Tea to this day, but only during the month of October until the night of All Souls’ Eve – Halloween.
Luxury Halloween Punch Tea
When the veil between worlds is especially thin, they say you can hear the screams of souls forever forced to sip supermarket infusions. More bite than a bat, more punch than Judy, this spicy rooibos with cinnamon, blackberry leaves, orange blossom, safflower petals, clove buds, cardamom seed, ginger extract and natural flavourings will warm your eternal soul. Also can be enjoyed during séances (it’s OK to say where you got it from).